Madness.

No, not another social commentary for now. This one is a bit more personal. I'm crazy.

No really. I'm diagnosed bipolar 2 and borderline. This means crazy. The VCU gunman? Yep, bipolar.

So. I'm nuts, on medications. I am also going through a divorce, a custody settlement about my 5 kids, living in a new place, all but disowned by my parents, in a new relationship, and trying to figure out what the hell is going on.

Overwhelming to many. I look at attempting to move on any of it and I am crippled. My brain literally shuts down. I couldn't fill out some simple paperwork earlier, so literally my brain shuts down. Cognition ceases. The desperate feeling of doing things which are drastic arises.

Who do you tell, if anyone? I don't have time to go to some kind of incarceration... too much to do. I don't really want to face all this either, though.

I hate myself for being unable to cope. I hate myself for allowing this situation to exist. I hate myself for saying I hate myself.

The spiral is where I am, but I can't seem to escape. I'm alive, which seems to be what is most required.